Turning the Other Cheek
Anger in my life
I recently posted about my anger and how that has been rearing its ugly head in my life. As I’ve been reflecting on that post and thinking more about what causes me to become angry, I think it often comes down to times when people don’t do things I want them to do. Whether it is one of my children, my wife, or a co-worker, I see red when I expect them to do one thing, and they do another. I take it as a personal offense that they wouldn’t do things my way. Subconsciously I’m thinking, “It’s obvious they have set out to make me angry, and therefore I am justified in my anger. Why else would this child be acting in this way if not just to watch their dad explode?”
Luke 6
As I’ve thought about this issue, my thoughts keep drifting to Luke 6 (NLT):
27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. 28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. 30 Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. 31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you. 32 “If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! 33 And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit? Even sinners do that much! 34 And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit? Even sinners will lend to other sinners for a full return. 35 “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked. 36 You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
I’ve heard this passage from the Sermon on the Mount since I was a little child. It sits right in the middle of some of Jesus’ most important teachings in the gospels. I understand the idea behind it, but I’ve always just read quickly past it. Why? I live in the United States, and therefore, I’m not facing persecution for being a Christian like many of my brothers and sisters around the world. I don’t have enemies that are threatening my life because of my faith. I am blessed to live in a country where I can practice my faith freely and without much consequence. Basically, I’ve lived with the idea that no one is threatening me, but if that day comes, then these verses are how I should act.
Bringing it home
Now, allow me to explain before you think I’m calling my wife and kids my “enemies.” As I thought about Luke 6, I wondered what would happen if I brought the theme of these verses into my home. What if, instead of getting mad when the kids did something I didn’t like, I “turned the other cheek?” What if I don’t take it personally and instead look behind their behavior to see if there is a reason they are acting out? Instead of yelling, what if I did good to them without expecting to be repaid? Instead of anger, I should substitute compassion. What if when my wife asks me to help out, I go even further and get another item checked off her to-do list? This idea has been rattling around in my brain. I can’t shake the thought that turning the other cheek is how I should be treating everyone from my wife, to my kids, and even those who are my enemies.
Where do I go from here?
Sure, this whole “turning the other cheek” idea sounds good, but what about my rights and my needs? The problem is that I don’t see Jesus addressing those “needs” or “rights” anywhere in these verses. He just keeps giving examples of us putting ourselves second and then loving and serving those around us, no matter how hard that may be. We don’t have an out; He has commanded it. I keep reading it and looking for a loophole, but I just can’t find one. So now, the hard work in my life and heart must begin. The next time my wife asks for my help, but I would rather keep reading my book, I need to put my wants to the side and step up. When my autistic child literally slaps me in the face, I need to pause, take a moment, and instead of blowing up, realize maybe she’s just trying to communicate. Perhaps she is frustrated that I don’t understand what she’s trying to say. When the baked ziti is rejected and marinara sauce is thrown across the kitchen and onto me by my non-verbal kiddo, I need to remember her trauma past may be triggering this behavior. This is a prime opportunity to show her grace and love.
I still don’t have it all figured out
It’s easy to think and even type these words, but when the kids are screaming, and life feels like it’s spinning completely out of control, it’s hard to remain calm and not be angry. The only way I’ve had any success in this whole endeavor is through prayer. A prayer that runs off and on throughout the day. A prayerful cry for help when I know I’m walking in from the garage after work, and I have an exhausted wife and wild kids on the other side. Prayer when I’m exhausted, and I know I’m not at my best. In the end, I’m thankful for the One who spoke these challenging words. He has “turned the other cheek” countless times for all of us, and yet doesn’t stop loving us and wanting a relationship with us.