Just ask “Why” - Becoming more empathetic

My daughter was diagnosed with autism in November 2018. Since the day we received the diagnosis, it has been a never-ending quest to read, listen, and learn as much as we can about autism. We want to understand how she processes the world, so that we can provide the best care to help her thrive in daily life. Needless to say, my reading list has multiple books and articles on autism and other neurological differences. Last week, I started reading the book Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism. As I was reading, this quote from Chapter One (Ask “Why?”) jumped out:

It treats the person as a problem to be solved and to be fixed, rather than an individual to be understood. It fails to show respect for the individual and ignores that person’s perspective and experience. It ignores the fact that their neurological differences mean autistic people learn, communicate, and experience everyday life differently. Uniquely Human by Barry M. Prizant

The more I’ve learned about autism (and raising kids in general), I’ve come to understand that behavior is communication. We communicate like this as adults too. When any one of us is frustrated, we might lash out or snap at others. During a time of sadness, we might withdraw and clam up. If something makes us happy or excited, we cheer, laugh, or jump with joy. It’s easy to become frustrated or upset with others when they aren’t acting the way we want. But when is the last time we stopped to ask “why” the other person is acting the way they are?

As a husband, I know many times I move quickly into the mode of trying to fix problems instead of just being a listening ear for my wife. As a dad, I’m quick to demand that my kids “just behave,” instead of trying to figure out why they are acting out. As a white, male, middle-class American, I’ve been quick to judge others for the way they spend their time or money.

So today, I am going to begin to ask “why” more often. I want to be someone who listens to others without judgment or feeling the need to fix everything. I hope to learn more about individuals and attempt to understand their perspective instead of thinking my way is the best and only way. Ultimately, I wish to grow more in my empathy for others. Why? Because we are all uniquely made by God and deserve to be understood and respected.